The ONLY surviving photo of this trip — not of a bicycle, but possibly taken while riding one.

australia, or, what is the point?

2019

I wrestled the purple Raleigh down off the wall hook where it hung like a prisoner in shackles. It looked dusty and disused, like it had seen some hard garage time. After reinflating the tires and hiking up the seat as high as I dared, I pushed it down the narrow alleyway between our in-law suite and the street. Gold Coast, Australia: Identical to any boring American subdivision except for the screech of cockatoos perching on streetlamps and a big lazy ibis grazing in the median.

As I pedaled out of the driveway, I felt a little swell of accomplishment… followed of course by the excoriating sarcasm of my inner critic.

Oh come on, you just paid to come here and ride your bike three miles to the beach, that’s the lamest thing I’ve ever heard. Is this really what you’re doing — spending money to tick items off a checklist?

So what if that’s how this one goes?

You’re just hanging out in the suburbs of Australia. That’s lame. You should be living and working in these places —

Time’s a-wasting…

— or at least out drinking in clubs all night and dancing with strangers.

But I hate dancing. Who am I supposed to be, Jack Kerouac or something? That dude sounded like an alcoholic womanizer. What’s wrong with biking in the suburbs of Australia anyway? Check it out, we’re going through a park, and there are people playing cricket in the field next to us! Look at that wacky tree! Now we’re going past all the rich houses, up this nice big hill — oooh, gotta stand up to get to the top of this one…

I crested the hill and there it was — the immensity of the Pacific Ocean sloshing at the shore like a washing machine. There’s something special about biking to the ocean. The bike is so small; it’s the thing you ride to the store. But you can also ride it to the shores of infinity on earth.

Inside, a different, smaller voice:

was the premonition really that strong?

I hesitated, and thought:

Yes. I can’t tap into that feeling anymore, but it was strong enough that I made a promise to myself. Accept not decide, remember?

so… with this, we’re one step closer to dying.

Another pause.

Yeah. I guess we are.

So I turned my face to the sun and smiled, and then tried to learn how to surf.